Karimabadi
Notes 2008
[ ] Here we are again reviewing your memories...we are going to do it. Shahrzad and I decided to write together...We never got a chance to complete your oral history of Tehran...we were just late to start recording your voice. We have a plan though, one that make you stay in minds and hearts...although Shahrzad doesn't like to share her title, but our project is going to be Dady's Girls project!
It's very cold here, and we miss you by the burning fire...
Mehrzad - Dec. 24,2008
[ ] Pedar I am certain now of the fact that I have been spoiled by you just as much as Shahrzad did. I remember the days that I told you that she is Dady's girl, but I guess as you said we all were! Little do you know when you are in the middle of all that aboundance of love- the unconditional one...missing you is not a news anymore...
Mehrzad - Nov. 29,2008
Pedar, Mehdi is now your nayeb in Hadj. You said you wanted to go in person and thank God for a good life you had, but life cut short on you. I wanted to thank Mehdi for going on your behalf, but as Mehdi said after your departure “Dai joon was like a father to me”… His sons now call him Pedar and he is a Dai joon to Shireen…
Shahrzad/ November 21, 2008.
Pedar, Bobi e golam,
I just got back from Tehran . I brought Shireen with me as I promised. I did not take her out of the car; I just did not want her to see me shattered. I laid red flowers on your stone... I wanted to stay there as long as I could; I knew you would not show up even if I prayed hard. Hope to see you on the other side.
Rest in peace,
Shahrzad/ November 21, 2008.
[ ] Pedar jaan, there is a lot going on. On the sad side: Mervyns, Shoe Pavilion and Circuit City are closing. I know, you wouldn’t like to see that change. No matter how often you shopped there, you just didn’t like to see any bankruptcy; it would have changed the image of the city in your eyes. There is a talk that they are going to have the Mercury News online instead of regular delivery. Remember I told you once: who wants to read the paper when there is internet? Oh well, me! I don’t start the day before reading the paper, at least taking a glance! Kind of like the feeling…
There are News that we would have had our disagreement on: Baron Davis is no longer with Golden State Warriors. You would have probably said: it was about time they send him packing! I still think he isn’t that bad!
I saved the best for last: We won the election! Yes, we did. I can just picture your face that is glowing from happiness and the tears in your eyes…It’s going to be like the good old days again just the way you used to describe,Love will be in the air,
Mehrzad - Nov. 07,2008
[ ] Another 13th came and went...I also sawy you in a dream, I saw that you moved back in...when I was sleep I tried to remember why did you move out? I couldn't remember what happened, you told me that you are back so we could be together again. I felt you were so alive...then I woke up and you were still in heaven...Bobi I see you watching over us, praying for us and keep protecting us even from up there...God if I believed in re-incarnation, I would look at Shireen's pic bellow and would be blown away...her hand and beautiful smile are soooooo you,
When I say I love you, I mean it!
Mehrzad - Oct. 14,2008
ps. Aileen stopped by and after looking at your picture said that you "are" very handsome! she hasn't seen your earlier pics yet!
Pedar, every day that passes by, Shireen becomes more like you. 
She has your eyes, your hands, your forehead, your smile...
Shahrzad/ October 6, 2008.
Pedar, I saw you in a dream the other night . It is always difficult to wake up from a dream that has all of us together. I am sure you were aware of what was happening in our lives, otherwise you wouldn't show up...
Miss you Miserably,
Shahrzad/ October 6, 2008.
[ ] Ramedan came and went. We went to the prayer for Eid. I noticed something strange. Unlike the previous times, I was thinking about each word in the prayer. You probably know the result...I felt that I missed you with all my being, but at the same time I felt that I am sending this prayer your way. Sending it as a gift for you to see that it is not a day going by that I don't have you in my mind. Pedari, missed you on Eid as I miss you always...
Mehrzad - Oct. 3,2008
[ ] It is so funny how it all works! I was 
going through the beautiful works of
"Abbas" , and I saw a picture of Amoujoun
i.e. Uncle Ebrahim there! Shahrzad and I
did not talk about it before, but I guess the
fact that Amoujoun was also taken by The
brutal "C", makes us to love him now after
years of passing! We did not get to know
him as much since we were kids when he passed. It is very strange that I can see him in Davar! He just remind me of Amoujoun's picture. I know that Pedar really loved amoujoun and one of his most difficult memories was from Amopujoun's illness and passing. I would have liked to run home and "fire up the internet" as Pedar use to put it and show him the picture...There it is Bobi, say salaams to Amoujoun...
Mehrzad - Aug. 26,2008
I was very young when my uncle Ebrahim passed away. Pedar kept his memory alive by talking about him often. Eventhough I had no memory of Uncle Ebrahim myself, I always loved him.
I knew it was hard on Pedar not having his older brother around. I posted a picture of them on my fridge after pedar passed away. I would like to think pedar has joined his mother, father, brothers and sisters on the other side...
Shahrzad/ August 22, 2008.
Someone asked me yesterday if I watch the Olympic Games?!
I wanted to say “this is the first Olympic that pedar is not here, so there is no one to watch it with. It all started 20 years ago with 1988 Olympic. I was interested in sport, just like my dad. He and I spent hours watching the games and talking about its highlights. He always kept a cup of tea next to him as he watched. He would say “BEAUTIFUL” whenever he’d get excited. We both cheered for Dimitry Bilozerchev… July 2007, last days of Pedar’s life, we tried every possible way to divert his attention from his illness; we brought him the sport page of his daily newspaper, but he was not interested anymore; he said “sport makes me sick!”
Shahrzad/ August 15, 2008
[ ] I offered to get Carole her usual from the shop across the street. I had never been there, but you had always brought donuts for us from that place. It was also your guilty pleasure...you told me later on that you had one donout per day and I laughed...sneaking the unhealthy snack while Maadar was not watching! I tried not to look left, so I do not see where we used to meet. Opened the door and went inside. A little small independent shop which still exists confronting corporate giants. I was trying to absorb the inside thinking that you used to come here on your own for that unhealthy treat. I am walking back with Carole's usual, it's cloudy...
Mehrzad - 08.08.08 - you were here.
[ ] Bobie, Friday eve I was reading the news trying to hide my political genes that I inherited from you and on the side of the screen I see this line: "The last lecture professor dies..." I knew it...there was no happy ending for even the most optimists...you had a lot in common with Randy Pausch, the sense of humor, being a great father and husband, and the brutal "C" that took you away from your families in the month of July. I know...I am not complaining, and I am still carefree the way you knew me...but loosing you was a heavy punch we had to roll with. We still do not believe it came. Where was I? yeah about Dr. Pausch...he was writing his updates himself in his website until June, just a month prior to his death. Before that in the end of may he addresses the graduating class of 2008.He was full of life all the way up to two weeks prior to his passing, just like you. Hope to be worthy of carrying your name and miss you as always...
Mehrzad - July 27, 2008 - in solidarity with Pausch's familyPedar,
Shireen's doctor said today that I have to be more firm and make sure my baby does not become spoiled... I myself was spoiled! How can I be firm when I promised you to be just like you! You were always flexible, and I will always be thankful to you for giving me the best childhood a daughter can ever hope for...
Shahrzad/ July 25, 2008
Pedar,
Your grandchild turned one on July 19. We talked about the due date, you and I. We talked about that week not knowing it will be the last week of your life here on earth. You promised to stay with us after she was born... It never happened... You did not make it to the due date. You left us 6 days before she was born. You were tired of your battle with the brutal cancer....You decided to watch over us from up there... Life is never the same without you! MISS YOU PEDAR...
Your daughter, Shahrzad/ A day in July 08!
Pedar, It is July the 13. The day life showed its other side to us! When Mehrzad woke me up at 7am, I was not myself, I knew what was about to happen...
I stood close to your bed ....I had all the tears to shed
I was hoping you would walk...I was hoping you could talk
You did not say another word...The whole room was turning cold
My eyes saw your final breath...I wish I was not on earth…
Shahrzad/July08
I made you Halva, not as dark as you always liked! I took it to a Koran Jalaseh in rememberance of a lady who passed away this week. When they wanted to start reading Koran I asked them to send prayer to you as well... I miss you Pedar., Bobi e golam.
Shahrzad/ July 12, 2008
Last year on July 12 I asked you how you were doing? Your respond was: "life cut short on me"! I crumbled inside, but put myself together and asked you to think positive. I was trying to give you more energy to fight, such a fool I was! Later that day I asked you how you were doing again! you responded: "I will be better tomorrow"! I thought you are being positive; you knew you'd be gone by "tomorrow", didn't you?
Shahrzad/ July 12, 2008
[ ] It officially is one year now, last night we rememberred you at Stanford Qoran gathering. The rest of these past couple of days everyone calls. No one still believes in you as having passed...you are still alive in all of our hearts. Your hearty laugh, being a people person, and your love for life...I am still working on getting up to the standard! Pedar...someone is just calling...
Mehrzad - July 12, 2008 - Shab-e Saal
You gathered us for your final talk … It was not like any other gatherings we had…We sat, listened, and cried… It has been a year since that gruesome night. When Nikzad asked you not to give up after your final saying, I told her to “leave pedar in peace”.... I knew you would not give up if it was up to you…
Pedar, I LOVE YOU! & I MISS YOU! …
Shahrzad/ July 10, 2008
Pedar,
I always told you that I loved you more than anyone else in my life, but did you know that you were my ideal, hero, whole life…? I wish we could turn the clock back and be together as a family, party of five. Our bond was strong and nothing could shake us but death…
Shahrzad/ July 9, 2008
You hear it over and over again “it will get easier”, but how? You may cry less and you may start to eat again, you may talk about it less, but I promise you it will not get any easier. It gets harder and harder and harder, the pain becomes deeper and deeper and deeper, and the sorrow hits in…
Shahrzad/ July 9, 2008
Last year when we gave pedar his father’s day present a bit earlier he said “you thought you’d be without a dad on father’s day so you gave your present sooner!?” Then he laughed as he always did. He had wittiness not like anyone else, but this time it was bitter. Deep down I knew it was his last father’s day, but I still wanted to be hopeful …
Shahrzad/ June 15, 08. Father's day/ Published on July 9 2008
[ ] It has been one whole lunar calendar - we've lost you...10 days from now marks the aniversary of your passing...One year without hearty laughs, funny humor and warm embrace...I am still your little girl despite the fact that I can now officially cook "Aash-e Jo"...I wish I have cooked it for you not for the memory of your fine cooking skills...Remember Fatima, my Palestinian pal was over when I cooked the Aash. She said that I am a good cook. I usually joke in such circumstances, but I didn't. I just bragged about your good genes in my genetic built....Pedar, I wish I could tell you this, so you know how much I cherish being YOUR daughter....
Mehrzad - July 3rd, 2008 - we lost you to cancer in Cancer
[ ] After one year the orchid plant is full of flowers! It even has more flowers than last year, when this plant came to visit you in the hospital...the flowers are back to say that they miss your smile and to say happy Father's day...
Mehrzad - June 9th, For Father's Day 2008
[ ] I remembre last year, the last Father's Day with you...
The Friday before, we were in chemo office when the nurse said
- This must be a "very special" Father's Day...
I looked into your eyes and knew that you read her sentence:
...This must be your "last" Father's Day....
Here we are another Father's Day, like the Father's days to come, we have your beautiful memories to cherish....
Mehrzad - June 9th, For Father's Day 2008
[ ] I come home and see the mailer for the Father's Day...who would have thought it would be this difficult to hear about Father's Day? I flip the channels purposelessly...
"- It's a Club...
-Club?
-Dead father's club, you are not in it, until you are in it...
-it's just difficult to live, when he can't be alive with me...
-yes, and it won't get easier..."
My eyes are wet and I send your way a Fatehe. Your presence is felt with every breath, Pedar jounam...
Mehrzad - June 1st, 08 - almost 11 months
Pedar,
It has been days since my last note. I just could not bring myself to write. 10 agonizing months has passed and no one but God knows how excruciating not having you around has been. I just pray for more patience for us all … I hope you are in a peace wherever you are…
Shahrzad / May 26, 2008
I went to a prayer for the dead for someone I did not know, but have heard had passed from the same brutal disease… I did not tell his family that “I know how hard it is & I know how you feel, cause I do not know, each case is unique and each relationship is different!”, I did not tell them that “time will heal your pain, cause it will not; time will bring your sanity back, but the pain becomes deeper”, I did not tell them “that’s everyone’s destiny, cause they already know the obvious”, I did not tell them “I hope it is your last Gham!, cause …” I did not tell them “you now have to move on!, cause who am I to tell them what to do when they have a loved one dead on the ground” … All I told them was that “I do not know what to say, I hope God gives you patience…”
Shahrzad / May 26, 2008
[ ] It is May...I remember we were waiting for your first Chemo session, which ended up to be the last. I remember the day explicitly. I dropped you and Maadar off for the chemo session that was going to take a whole day. After Chemo you said it wasn't as though as they say...like always optimistic...it was only a week after that you had all the complications... If we could have only removed your cancer and kept you longer...
I am trying these days to bring back the memories of good old days, those days that you would make us laugh with your endless humor...Bobi - the pain is still fresh...
Mehrzad - May3rd, 08 - it's almost 10 months
It gets harder and harder not having you around. I try to think you are in a better place. I would like to picture you with all your family members who have crossed over, especially your mother. We talked about your mom, you and I. You cried when you remembered her last days, I cry when I remember yours. Your place will remain empty for as long as I am on earth…
Shahrzad/ May 1, 2008
Pedar,
When I think of you being gone I get nauseated, I get a sever headache; it is like thinking about the eternal life on the other side. It is beyond my understanding. How can you be here one day and be gone the next? I still feel your presence. You must be somewhere close. The fact is that you will not be coming back and I miss you deeply.
Shahrzad/ April 18, 2008[ ] I remember these days last year...from appointment to appointment and waiting for a miracle...I left school to be able to change things around...I hoped I would get up and see this all was an April Fool's distasteful trick...but it wasn't...we attended the celebration at work together...and you were so good that people couldn't even tell you were sick...I still remember that you could barely eat anything...I gave you a tour of my office and that was the first and last time you stopped by...April brought us the shock of our lives- your cancer...
Mehrzad April 16, Wish your illness was an April Fool's
Last Saturday of March is the day that brightness in our lives faded… Clock started ticking; we were unable to save the moment. Seeing you in pain was like being stabbed in the chest. My life started to crumble… I fell to pieces… I could not make sense of what was about to happen… I was unable to grasp the concept of you getting ready for your final departure… You stayed with us for another 3 ½ months; I cherished every moment of your staying … Missing you more and more ...
Shahrzad/ March 28, 2008
Beginning of spring has never been this sad, solemn, somber, spiritless, silent, sorrowing, and still.
Shahrzad/ March 28, 2008
[] It is Eid again, but is it? Merci for watching over me. I got the most unexpected gifts from the most unexpected places both on my BDay and for the New Year. If anybody had ever told me they feel the presence of someone who is deceased, I would have asked them to get more sleep! Not anymore. I feel you in all the good things and feel your absence when the life is tough. You are around, not only in the big frame, but also right over my shoulders...
This year we don't have any haftseen, since you left and took it all with you;
You were
1- Symbol of unconditional love,
2- the most Sincere,
3- Always Smiling,
4- with your Solid Character,
5- our always present Support,
6- our heart and Soul,
7- Simply the best father anyone can ask for...
Miss you terribly...
Mehrzad March 20, doesn't feel like Eid
Your memory is always present. As I come to the kitchen in the morning, I remember you in the kitchen fixing some kind of food, showing me how to chop, cook, and asking me to taste the food you made to see how wonderful your food tasted … As I get lost without my GPS, I remember you giving me many different ways to get to a single destination …. As I shop, I remember you going through the aisles in the grocery store putting items in the card, giving comments on the quality of each product, having fun trying out new items… As I watch TV, I remember you watching news, talking about politics, weather, sport… As I boil water in the kettle I remember your kettle was always on the top of the stove, and the water was always boiling… As I pour the hot water, I remember you telling me “not to touch the kettle, you may burn yourself; let me do it…” …As I hold Shireen I remember you holding Nikzad while having a cup of tea… As I wash the dishes, I remember you washing the dishes right after dinner and would not let anyone touch them… As I become tired I remember you never got tired until the very end… You were our rock, our support, our hero… Miss you Pedar.
Shahrzad /March 13, 2008/ Published on March 17, 2008
[ ] It doesn't feel right. They say it's leap year and so Esfand 23rd is going to be March 13th...how can it be? It always was March 14th, even back then when I first opened my eyes...It is 8 months and counting and I feel your presence today...I can only send a verse of Qoran your way...
...I won't turn my head in sorrow
If you should go away
I'll stand here and remember
Just how good it's been...
Mehrzad March 13, doesn't feel right...
Pedar wanted everything for his family especially for Madar. He was always concern about Madar’s wellbeing. He kept telling Madar “as long as I live you will have no worry…” . Indeed none of us had any concerns while he was here. It made Pedar proud to say all he had belonged to Madar. His only grandchild is now the only ray of hope to bring a soft smile on Madar’s face.
Miss you Pedar
Shahrzad / March 6, 2008
[_] I am behind the red light and see the lisence frame of the front car: "World's Best Father" . How can it be? World has just lost its best father last July...but I guess they haven't heard the news yet.
I step to the office and my student walks in.
- Is he an important man in your religion?
I look up and see your pictures, the one smiling, the one that you patiently participated in my school project and the one that you are speaking, the dried flowers and some sympathy notes...
I am thinking: He is an essential part of "My religion", he is a crucial pillar, his kind manner was the ultimate book of goodness and he will be as long as I am around....only in a fraction of second and only in my head...
- He was an important man in my life, he was my father who passed away last summer...
Is it for real, I think to myself again....
Mehrzad February 28, 2008 (Still your February)
Pedar,
Your friends still bring you flowers! Is there any flower that can replace your presence? I hope you are somewhere where flowers grow, where trees never experience winter, where the sound of running water is heard everywhere, where all is at peace. This is the first beginning of Esfand which feels cold, heart breaking, and tearful...
Bobi e golam, it is still hard for me to let you go..., rest in peace…
Shahrzad / Feb 20, 2008 / Esfand 1, 1386
[_] Pedar, there is this huge vase of flowers sitting in the house, full of orchids, roses, lilies and ... all in white. Your friend came to visist. He cried that he missed you before you take off and we cried too... Tonight was supposed to be a full moon, but guess what? It is a total eclipse. It is also a total eclipse in our hearts...not seeing your smiling face around.
with love and lots of it: here is a branch of white orchid for your Day, Bobi...
Mehrzad February 20, 2008 Your BDay
From early on I realized that you were a unique dad. I could feel none of my friends ever had a father like you. When I was a little girl a friend of mine asked her mother how come Shahrzad has a Pedar and I do not. Her mother answered you do have a Pedar, you call him Baba… Indeed, you were not just a Baba, something everyone had, you were a Pedar far beyond anyone’s imagination…
Miss you,
Shahrzad/ Feb 19, 2008
7 month after your passing came February, your month.. I lost you at 7 am on 7th month of the year 07 at the age of 77 after your 7th travel to the USA…. It was Friday, 7th day of the week in Muslim calendar… your family was a family of 7, you and Madar, three of us, and two son-in-laws…
Shahrzad/ Feb 19, 2008
[_] Bobi, it's your month...February with you and Mom's Birthday, your aniversary and Valentine...It is spring like and all the buds on trees are missing you...your birthday is full moon this year. I remember your full smile and can't believe any of this...I am trying to make all of this easier for Mom while I am having hard time myself... seems ironical and it is not easy....Kaash Boodeen o Meedeedeen....
Mehrzad February 16, 2008 Mom's BDay
Life cut short on you. I still could have a father if ithe brutal cancer would not take you away. In my dreams I still try to bring you back. I am suoure you are out there, but I will not be able to grasp the concept untill I join you. It has been 7 months since the day you departed; there is not a moment in my life that I do not think of you. I miss you more and more as days go by...
Shahrzad, February 13,2008
[_] Pedar, I can not believe that since you are not physicaly among us anymore, you have left us here. I feel your presence around and you are still inspiration for me to live, to write and to laugh. Rarely a day passes that I can not see you in a red flower or hear you in a slow song:
...Said "Daddy when you coming home?"
He said the first thing that came to his mind
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there...
Mehrzad January 24
[_] Bobi, it's your month...February with you and Mom's Birthday, your aniversary and Valentine...It is spring like and all the buds on trees are missing you...your birthday is full moon this year. I remember your full smile and can't believe any of this...I am trying to make all of this easier for Mom while I am having hard time myself... seems ironical and it is not easy....Kaash Boodeen o Meedeedeen....
Mehrzad February 16, 2008 Mom's BDay
Life cut short on you. I still could have a father if ithe brutal cancer would not take you away. In my dreams I still try to bring you back. I am suoure you are out there, but I will not be able to grasp the concept untill I join you. It has been 7 months since the day you departed; there is not a moment in my life that I do not think of you. I miss you more and more as days go by...
Shahrzad, February 13,2008
[_] Pedar, I can not believe that since you are not physicaly among us anymore, you have left us here. I feel your presence around and you are still inspiration for me to live, to write and to laugh. Rarely a day passes that I can not see you in a red flower or hear you in a slow song:
...Said "Daddy when you coming home?"
He said the first thing that came to his mind
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there...
Mehrzad January 24
They say name shapes ones identity. I do not know if your name shaped who you became, but it was the best name your parents could give you. You were Khalil, a friend to everyone! In one moment I did not only lose a pedar, I lost the greatest friend I ever had!
Shahrzad, January 20, 2008
I saw you in a dream this morning. This one was different; we had a real conversation just like the good old days. Before you departed I said “Bobi, I love you” knowing that you will be gone. You answered as your face was fading in light “ I love you too!”
Miss you pedar,
Shahrzad, January 13, 2008
Bobi joonam,
Alireza said this morning that Shireen will be 6 months of age in 6 days. 6 months ago at this very day I lost you to cancer. 6 days to my daughter’s birthday is the day of your passing. I always wonder why you did not make it! I wish you could see Shireen and see yourself in her! She resembles you and that makes her more beautiful in my eyes. She is the grandchild you had long waited for… I will raise her the way you raised me just as I promised you.
With all the love in the world, Rest in peace,
Your daughter,
Shahrzad, January 13, 2008
[_] Pedar jaan,
It is no longer 2007. We did not get a chance to make more memories with you in this new year, but believe it or not you are with us most the times. Your presence is in every smile that Shireen makes, in every good coincidence, in every sweet memory that we review...
...Who can say for certain
Maybe you’re still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You’re still an inspiration
Can it be?...
Mehrzad, January 3, 2008