Karimabadi

 

[_] Pedar jaan, I catch myslf talking about you all the time...My father liked red, my father enjoyed cooking, my father didn't like central lock for cars, my father...This is only what I remember from today...I try to distribute these thoughts in different circles so people don't get annoyed...I guess this is love and love is blind...I just learned all about love after you left, I learned just when I lost you on that 13th ..... 5 months and counting....

 

"When the evening shadows fall
and the lovely day is through
Then with longing I recall
the years I spent with you

I miss the days
when you were near to guide me
those happy days
when you were here beside me

Safe in the glow of your love
Sent from the heavens above
Nothing can ever replace
The warmth of your tender embrace

Oh, until the day
that we're together once more
I'll live in these memories
Until the day that we're together once more"

Mehrzad, December 13,07

 

Pedar,

Another 13 is here…it seems surreal that you will not be here anymore… I miss your sense of humor, your kindness, your strength, your love, your infinite knowledge about almost everything… I wish there was no end to having you. I was fortunate to have you as a dad and so unfortunate to lose you so soon. I do believe that “to Allah we belong and to Him we return”; I just wish it was not this soon… Miss you Pedar.

Your girl, Shahrzad/December 13, 2007

 

Pedar,

Do you remember that I used to tell you 13 was my favorite number?. It is no longer true. I wish I was not born on 13^th of Azar. I wish we would not talk about 13 as much as we did. I lost you on 13 and I will never recover from that. You were my rock, my hero… without you there is not much in the world that matters. Miss you.

Shahrzad/December 13, 2007

 

Pedar,

My birthday just passed. This was the first birthday since your passing… The first birthday without a parent… The first birthday as an orphan…There was no celebration in my heart…. There will be no celebration anymore. Your signature was not on my birthday card … 31 years ago I cried as a newborn with you and Madar on my side, how lucky I was to have you Pedar; I just did not know it then…

 

Shahrzad/ December 4, 2007   

 

[_] Pedar jaan, it was the first Thanksgiving without you. It gives me chills to even think about it this way. I always loved it the way you got excited about the whole thing from cranberry sauce to Turkey, everything was just the way it should have been....you know recently I am beginning to pay more attention to cooking, something that I detested before. It reminds me of you. I remember those days that you cut your hands you never said a thing, except looking for a glove to continue the business...Everywhere I look there is a reminder of you and life wouldn't be complete since you are missing...Radio is on and it rhymes with my thoughts:

"Since you've gone, I've been lost without a trace
I dream at night, I can only see your face
I look around but its you I can't replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying ....."

 

Dadio...wish you where here,

ps. Shireen is growing and sometimes she has your look, your kind smile with a hint of fun...

Mehrzad, November 30,07

Pedar always enjoyed engaging us in a conversation even when we were very young. Once when we were in the car he showed me his hand and said “Japanese do not have this thumb”!

 

I was puzzled! I was only 7 or 8 when he told me that! I told him that I had seen Japanese movies and they all had thumbs! He then said “no, you did not listen carefully… I said Japanese do not have this thumb”! I repeated the same thing; I said “I have had seen them having thumbs!” Then again he said they have thumbs, but they do not have THIS thumb pointing at his hand!!! We both laughed!

I then realized that I had to take every word into an account to be able to judge a statement…

 

Shahrzad/ November 14, 07.

 

Bobi e Golam,

 

 

It has been four months now.

It never gets easier.

You are gone and all I can think of is the fact that I MISS YOU!

I see you in my dreams…I miss you more than ever…

You have never been this silent…

 

Shahrzad / November 13,07

 

[_] Pedar jaan, it is going to be 4 months in couple of days...I just read a bad news. Rememebr you took me to the first meeting of "Daftar e She'r"? It was so long ago that the whole thing is hazy. Rememebr one of our teachers there was "Qaisar Aminpour", so he just joined you there at age 47. God Blesses your soul and his.

 

I recall your phrase: Naan o Eshgh o Zendegi... 

Here is to you:

 

 Mehrzad, November 11,07 

 

 

Bobi joonam,

 

I just don’t understand why some people act the way they do. It seems that they think they are here on earth to stay! They are arrogant, bitter, and shallow. If only they knew how fast their time will be brought to an end, they might think twice before their actions….It is very easy to hurt others, but it is a challange to make others happy..

We are here to be challanged not to have it easy...

 

Why can’t people be more like you, loving, caring, kind, sweet, warm, positive,

supportive, and full of life…

I just wonder will they be missed after they are gone the way you are being missed?

 

Shahrzad/ November 8, 07

 

I used to think you have to be a certain age when you are considered an orphan, but there is no age requirement. It all depends on how close you were to your parent, how great they were, how much you miss them, and how important they were in your life... I certainly became one when I lost Pedar. He was the center of my universe and without him it is hard to go on...There is a gap that will never be filled... His place will always be missed in our broken hearts.

 

 

Shahrzad/ November 4,07

 

 

[_] I learned how it is to loose a parent. It is like losing an artery close to your heart. By loosing this artery you won't die, but you will have difficulty doing the things that you used to do. An example would be when you want to laugh, you start it, but will not be able  to finish it off. Your chest hurts and reminds you that you are not the one you used to, you are disabled and are pushing too hard to live the life the way you used to.

I am writing the thank you cards for the people who sent us cards, I can't still believe what I am writing: Thank you ......"for my Father's Passing".

Pedar is it right or I am having a nightmare?

 

 

Mehrzad, October 30.07

 

Bobi joonam,

 

Remember what I kept telling you after each ultrasound that I had? “Shireen took after you a lot…”

You could not believe how I could tell from those unclear black and white ultrasound pictures… But I could…

She really is a lot like you. Her eyes remind me of yours… I wish you could see that…I hope she gets to know how great you were … I hope she makes you proud…

 

Shahrzad/ October 24, 07

 

 

 

Another 13th came and went...Oct. 13th, Eid Fetr. It is strange, 7th day after pedar's burial was Father's Day in Iran, the Birthday of Imam Ali, and we were mourning on his graveyard, the 40th was Shaban 15th, and exactly 3 months after is Eid...You were so good, that all these occasions are happy occasion, but our hearts burn deeply for each of them...we miss you Bobi...

 Mehrzad October 15th, 07

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had always been afraid of dying until you passed away. Dying is now a way of joining you again, so I am no longer afraid...You always made steps of life easier for me...I miss you more than ever ...

 

Shahrzad/ October 14,07

 

 

My beloved Pedar,

It has been three months now  …

I really do not know what to say, what to do, what to think… I did all those things with you… now everything is meaningless… I cannot forget the last moment ….

 

Pedar’s final Breath...

 

I stood close to your bed 

I had all the tears to shed

I was hoping you would walk

I was hoping you could talk

You did not say another word

The whole room was turning cold

My eyes saw your final breath

I wish I was not on earth…

 

 

Shahrzad/ October 12, 2007

 

 

[_] As I am walking towards my office, I see a face that looks strikingly familiar. I feel strange. Looking at this familiar face makes me uncomfortable. I still don't know who it is in front of me. It all happens in a fraction of minute and the way I stare at him, makes him look back. Then I remember: "Alfonso", the most passionate nurse aid that was in the hospital. He helped me to take pedar to the chair since he was tired of sleeping on that hospital bed. I held Pedars hand and it was cold, so I brought him a heavy sheet and he wnated me to cover him, just like Chador. As he was sitting by the window, he started praying and amazingly enough stood several times in the middle despite of his weekenss, to pray. Alfonso walked into the room and was amazed, since Pedar couldn't stand just couple of minutes ago. He looked and said that Pedar looked like Jesus! That was when I told him Pedar is praying. It was a very spiritual atmosphere in the room. He said that he feels Pedar is very religious. and I said yes. I did not continue to say that he was religious but not in the way that people expect, just the way that God expected. Never harmed people, always loved us and sacrificed everything for us. He might have missed a prayer or two along the way or in his youth, but no claimed religious person can compete with his selfless, kind, warm heart....I wrote a note for Alfonso's Supervisor to comment on his caring personality and professionalism. He is a student in our campus and I have seen him 3 times now. Everytime I recal the toughest memories of my life, my eyes get wet then I send Pedar a prayer. Just one of those daily rituals.

 

 

Mehrzad  10.10.07

 

 

 

I kept telling him “Admit it, I am your favorite!” He would laugh. I would say “I know I am, whether you admit it or not!”

He always said he loved three of us the same, but I loved him more than anyone in the world, and I told him so…

 

Shahrzad/ October 9, 2007

 

A teacher asked me once “Are you the first born?” I said “No” She then asked “Are you the last one”? I said “No, I am the middle child” She then questioned with a surprising voice “How come you are so spoiled?”

Indeed I was spoiled! Pedar never said “No” to my requests …He spoiled me beyond imagination and I never thought it could be any different…

 

Shahrzad/ October 9, 2007

 

[_] It is strange...In these past couple of months I learned about Pedar more than all my life! If I knew how emotional he is, I would have hugged him everyday. I just hugged him on every occasion...Birthdays, New Year, and so on. I learned that the things he shared with each one of us, was different. Whenever we get a chance these days, we exchange our memories of him. To him, I probably filled the space for a son he never had. We talked business, car and politics. He was worried about my lack of sleep the most on the very last days. He told me what to do and what not to do regarding finance, credit, driving, backroads and shortcuts. He told me to avoid politics, since I was attending every rally religiously. Now I understand and honestly am tired of being an activist. Pedar, I don't think I go to the next rally, if I do it is only  to catch some good photos, and sure I promiss to get some more sleep.

Mehrzad  October 2

One of the ones (memories) that I always remember was the time that I arrived at San Francisco Airport on March 6,1967.  He just had his major kidney stone operation and was released from the hospital, perhaps a couple of days earlier. The way he,with no concern for his condition,welcomed and received me with his caring/loving/sweet/warm smile and open arm that I didn't realize he was in such a pain until we got home and he showed me the major incision area in his back.

This is an example of the way he treated everyone around him not only family members but whoever came to his home and asked for a favour, the entire time that I was with him in U.S. -- I miss him a lot, God bless him.

Ali Karimabadi/ Nephew/ September 28

 

Pedar once told me that his brother, the late Ebrahim Karimabadi, whose life was cut short because of cancer was a lucky man. I asked him the reason. He said his brother had seen his grandchildren before he passed away... Pedar never got to see Shireen K.... He passed away 6 days before she was born...

Shahrzad/ September 29

The last time I saw Mr.Hakami was at a funeral that Pedar, Madar, and I attended. We shared a cab in our way back. Pedar and Mr.Hakami talked about their memories, their birth year, their childhood, and .... A year after that Mr.Hakami joined the eternal life, so did Pedar.

We heard about Mr.Hakami's passing a week earlier than Pedar's. They were cousins. They both had three children, almost the same age... We never told Pedar ... Perhaps they are now together on the other side...

Shahrzad/ September 29

*Hamid Hakami is our second cousin and the second child of the late Mr.Hakami.

[_] I always liked driving, or I better say loved...now I even like it more...Thank to Blue tooth technology, I can talk to Pedar while driving and no one looks at me any diferently! I turned the radio on and sure enough it was someone's tribute to her father: "Luther Vandross's tribute to his father"...Now my eyes are wet and that is something that people don't take lightly looking through your window...

back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear her, mama cryin’ for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I’m prayin’ for much too much
But could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don’t do it usually
But Lord, she’s dyin’ to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream...

You only wonder how similar our experiences are....

Mehrzad 9.27.07

We gathered as a family for the last time, 5 of us. There was only "US" again, just like the good old days. It was Pedar who brought us together for the "Last Supper"; he did not join the supper though, he was too tired to eat.

We sat, talked,cried, laughed, and held hands for the last time. We just didn't know it was the end... we tried... we really did. It was out of our hands .... He took off in the morning, leaving us in God's hands ...I read him his "Shahadat" the moment he left, so he could hear....so he could repeat...so he could also be in God's hands....

Shahrzad/ September 13

I was 7 years old and a first grader. I disliked doing any kind of homework. Pedar decided to help me out. One night he brought a notebook and started racing against me. For the first time I forgot that I was doing my homework; it was more like a game. We did homework together for the rest of that academic year. I enjoyed every moment of the time we spent together doing homework… 

Shahrzad  / September 8

[_] The other day I was talking to one of our friends about how Pedar's Cancer and what we have been through changed my perspective about life; I said that I don't feel anger, disappointment or happiness as much as I used to. I think that part of my senses is missing or numb...She replied: You are lucky that you had such an experience!

We might as well be lucky: we said goodbye for about three months, we saw Pedar suffer in front of our eyes, saw him burn like a candle and little could be done to help him. We ran from hospital to hospital, changed his doctors and medications, asked for his entire record so we can take him to other cancer treatment centers with a false hope.

We listened to him telling us about what to do after him, what to wear in his funeral, how to be in life after him. He wanted to know where he is going to be burried and we talked about that as well....

Lucky Us!

Mehrzad

[_]  I experience some torture at the end of each day: daily ritual of oppening the letters. There are lots of letters coming that has Pedar's name on it.
...I don't think he needs your credit card, you have to give his excellent credit score up...
...You are late, he can't join you any longer...
...He doesn't need to be back  in your hospital...

and it goes on an on...I called the hospital:
- I am calling to let you know that my father has passed away.
The man on the line asked me with a mono-tone voice:
- When did he expire?
When did he expire??? He never did or will be...he was my father not a contract, he had life written all over him couple of months ago. Only if the cancer hadn't steal his life....

Mehrzad